Thursday, July 26, 2012

Uses for Toilet Paper--by Caitlin (with help from Lily)

Toilet paper is fun.

If you grab one end and run with it, the paper will follow you all over the house, streaming out behind you in sinuous curves like a long white snake--reason enough for an impromptu zoomie. If you race around between table legs and over couches, you can pretty much wrap up a whole room as though it were a package with a bow--a nice present for Mommy.

Toilet paper also chews well. If you can get hold of a roll, or better yet an unopened package, you can create a lovely snow scene on the carpet. (I'm taking some poetic license here, since I've never actually seen snow--but everyone says it's white, so it must be pretty much like toilet paper.)

Another great thing to do with toilet paper is to grab it out of the toilet when Mommy flushes. The paper is whirling round and round, and you have to be fast to catch it before it disappears, but it tastes much better than plain old dry paper.

If you miss the toilet paper going down, you can still drink the water. Yum! I can't imagine why humans don't think it's good.

I know about all this because Mommy lets me come in the bathroom with her. She used to shut the door on me, but I squealed so loudly that it woke Daddy (who gets very grumpy if someone wakes him when he's trying to sleep). I like to lick Mommy  while she's sitting there.

Lately, Mommy has taken to slamming the toilet lid down as soon as she's finished. One time she actually hit my head with it.

She didn't even act sorry.