Sunday, July 22, 2012

Caitlin's Intelligence Test--Part III

Right after supper I gave Caitlin the rest of her intelligence test.

 In this part, I'm supposed to look at her for three seconds, then "smile broadly."

An almost impossible task for me. Whenever I try to smile on command, I produce the sort of rictus that you see on a corpse or a vampire

I did my best, however, and Caitlin came wagging right up to me. 5 points.

Next I gave her the part of the dog intelligence test in which you eagerly look the dog in the eye, and call in the most inviting tone you can muster, "REFRIGERATOR."

Caitlin looked at me as if to say, "Are you crazy? Or do you think I'm stupid?"

Feeling pretty stupid myself, I performed the next instruction: "MOVIES!"

Caitlin just sat there and stared at me.

Then I called, "CAITLIN."

And Caitlin, clever puppy that she is, came right away. 5 points.

So here are her final scores.

On the tin can test, I'm giving her 4 points. I'm not sure she got the hot dog within 5 seconds, but she definitely had it before 15 seconds.

On the kitchen towel test, I'm going to give her 2 points. Strictly speaking, she didn't give up. She had a plan in mind. It just wasn't the plan in the test, and since her plan involved the destruction of my towel, I gave up on her behalf. In fact, Rob says I should give her full marks for her performance.

"She was planning the canine equivalent of cutting the Gordian Knot, which shows real brains."

(Rob's opinion of Caitlin's intelligence has risen in the last few days. Coincidentally, she has been much more obedient to him lately, which, he says, has nothing to do with how smart he thinks she is.)

On the other 4 tests, she gets 5 points. Her performance was flawless.

With a total score of 26 points, Caitlin is a genius and should go to Harvard. I just hope they won't hold her failing grades in obedience school against her. Maybe she can take some remedial courses in summer school before she goes.