Dog Park Rules--by Caitlin

Dog park rules are posted on the gate as you come into the dog park. No one pays any attention to them. Most people have never even read them. Here's how the dog park really works.

No new dog may enter the park without submitting to an evaluation. If you are a new dog, you and your owner will be met at the gate by a committee whose task is to surround you and impede your progress into the park until everyone who wishes has sniffed your behind to his/her satisfaction. If you show fear, you will be chased all over the park by the entire committee until 

     a) you have proved your worthiness to belong to the group or 

     b) your owner gets so intimidated that he hustles you out of the park and writes a snarky review on Yelp

If you're in the park and your owner calls you or tells you to do something, you must pretend you didn't hear. Instead, join a large pack of other dogs who are racing around the park and go with the flow.

If anyone starts barking, you bark too--and keep barking until further notice.

If a new human comes into the park, and you weigh at least 80 pounds, you must race up to her and jump up on her chest. Keep on bouncing on her until your owner comes and physically hauls you off.

Drooling must be done only when you're standing over a person. Try to place your muzzle directly over his arms or hands. Failing that, make sure you at least get enough slobber on his clothing that he must immediately get up to look for a towel.

Vigorous wrestling must always be done within 12 inches of one or more seated humans. Ideally, you should place at least one person between you and the other dog.

Too Far Away from People

If you see a wrestling match, you must do one or more of the following:
     a) leap in to join the fray
     b) hump any dog whose backside is exposed
     c) start barking as loudly as you can
     d) grab someone's collar and drag her in a random direction

Considerably Better

Chairs have been placed around the park so that you will have somewhere to mark your territory. Extra points are given for making a puddle on the seat, and you earn the coveted Golden Cataract award if you put your mark on an actual person, as well as on the seat.

One chair must always be left vacant so that Rock Star will have a place to sit.

Any running pack must skid into a sharp turn upwind and within 2 feet of the seated humans at least once during every circuit of the park. Performed effectively, this maneuver will result in a gratifyingly dense cloud of dust that envelops the humans from head to toe, reducing visibility by at least 50%.

Dogs Who Look Like Their Owners

Gas Masks for Dogs

Dogs served on both sides during World War II. And both sides apparently valued them enough to design gas masks for them. Here are some photos:

Dogs Fighting for the Germans in World War II

This German Shepherd fought for the British

British Soldiers ready to go on Patrol

The Germans apparently thought so highly of dogs that they tried to teach them to speak, read, and spell. They even set up a special school, the Hundesprechshule Asra, which existed from 1930 nearly until the end of the war.

The Villa in Leutenberg where "talking" dogs were trained

He talks with his paws

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2267674/Pictures-surface-showing-dogs-gas-masks-WWII.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8532573/Nazis-tried-to-train-dogs-to-talk-read-and-spell-to-win-WW2.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hundesprechschule_Asra
http://legacysunfoldingjourney.blogspot.com/2012/11/speak-rolf-speak-hereis-another-strange.html

Protecting the Flock?

Yesterday morning, Caitlin was playing happily with a group of her friends when a new dog, one that I don't remember having seen before, came into the park.

Caitlin immediately went on the attack, barking and snapping at the dog as she raced after it.

I tried to call her off. She ignored me.

Relentless, she chased the dog around the park. I tried to distract her--without success. After several futile attempts to recall her, I said apologetically to the owner, "I guess I'll have to take her home."

I got her leash and dragged her away, still glaring back at the dog and barking ferociously.

Since we had walked to the park, I called Rob to pick me up and started walking.

I brought Caitlin back to the park again today, still a bit upset that she had behaved so badly yesterday.

As I was sitting under the pergola watching the dogs play, Max's "mother" approached me.

"Caitlin was right." she said. "You misjudged her yesterday."

I gave her a questioning look.

"After you left, a little pit bull came into the park. That dog bit his face so viciously that his whole head was covered in blood. Caitlin must have known."

I had seen the pit bull. While we were leaving the park  after hauling Caitlin out, I realized that I'd left her bag of treats at the dog park, clipped to the fence just outside the gate to the big dog area. When I returned for it, a little grey pit bull was standing by the gate, his face dripping with blood. It never occurred to me that there was any connection between him and the dog that Caitlin had tried to chase out of the park.

Had Caitlin been trying to protect her friends by running a dangerous dog out of the park? She is, after all, a border collie. Her job is to guide and protect her flock. Was that what she was doing yesterday? She can't tell me, so I guess I'll never know.

How Do You Get Them to Scoop the Poop?

Mountainous piles of un-scooped dog poop seem to be a problem all over the world.

In the United States, people who keep track of these things estimate that about 40% of American dog owners leave their dog's poop for someone else to pick up.

Poop scooping laws probably make the legislators feel useful but so far haven't had much of an impact on the poop problem.

What about signs that tell you to pick it up?

They work well in countries like Japan, where everyone is law-abiding.

A poop that could walk would make it easy!

But then, no country would have a compliance problem if the poop would actually pick itself up and follow you home, as in the poster above.

Where the signs don't work, France for instance, people must come up with other solutions. In Paris, poop collectors used to suck it up as they rode about on their "motocrottes."

A French Motocrotte

In England, unauthorized dog poop falls under the jurisdiction of the anti-terrorist laws and is monitored by the ubiquitous surveillance cameras. Brighton's Dog Control Order, passed in 2009 provides for fines of up to £1,000 for those who don't scoop the poop.A British association called Big Brother Watch found that 345 different town councils had invoked anti-terror laws 9607 times against pooping dogs and other equally heinous criminals 9607 times over a period of 3 years.

Hastings, on the other hand, liked the French idea, and in 2011 purchased four vacuums called "Henry the Hoover."

All vacuum cleaners are called "hoovers" in England.
The verb is "to hoover," as in, "I hoovered the carpet this morning."

The Hastings' Henrys probably look like this: 

The town council estimated that Henry would save them £420,000 a year.

In 2009, there were plans afoot in a small town in Germany to collect fur or saliva from all 420 resident dogs so as to do DNA matching and fine owners of any poop that might be found. 

I can't find any evidence that the scheme ever got off the ground.DNA testing is starting to gain some traction in the U.S., however. As of August of this year, a company called PooPrints tracks down poopetrators for hundreds of property managers in 30 states.

The town of Petah Tivkah, near Tel Aviv, does DNA testing with a twist. If the poop examiner finds your dog's leavings a a marked receptacle, you get a reward--coupons for dog food or toys.

You get a reward for putting it here, a fine if you leave it on the street.

If he finds it anywhere else, you get a fine.

But sometimes, if the government fails to take action, and the private sector fails to see any financial incentive for collecting poop, you just have to take the law into your own hands. This is Super Vaclav.

He is Prague's self-appointed dog poop enforcer. If he sees your dog poop, and you don't pick it up, he will punish you by throwing it at you or smearing it on you. I doubt whether he is still active, but videos of him from 2011 are widely available.

Does anyone have any other ideas?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/4498886/.html
http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/10001200.Sussex_dog_walkers_to_be_spied_on_with_CCTV/
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/libertycentral/2010/may/25/councils-abusing-covert-surveillance
http://www.digitalspy.com/odd/news/a438424/kent-council-to-dna-test-dog-poo.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/4400064/German-town-plans-dog-DNA-database-to-stop-fouling.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/21/dna-tests-required-to-ide_n_1819637.html
http://trueslant.com/maryannmott/2009/03/03/dna-testing-catches-slackers-who-dont-scoop-poop/
http://www.freakonomics.com/2008/09/18/our-dog-feces-dream-is-finally-a-reality/
http://gawker.com/5846781/superheros-main-weapon-against-apathy-dog-poop

Could Your Dog Learn to Drive?

In case you weren't watching the news lately, 3 dogs in New Zealand have learned to drive a car.It only took 8 weeks for the dogs to learn, which wasn't as long as it took me.

Porter, Monty, & Ginny all know how to drive

They'll be demonstrating their skills on live TV on Monday, December 10 (which is probably Sunday for us). They're not quite ready for the Indy 500 yet. Their specially modified Mini will only go about 6 miles an hour, and their trainer has an "off" button in case they try to ram the camera man.

Still, I'm impressed. I can't even manage to train Caitlin to bring her squeaky chicken back to me, much less chauffeur me to the dog park.

The canine motorists are a publicity stunt dreamed up the the SPCA* in Auckland as a way to get more pets adopted. They shouldn't have any problem getting these particular dogs adopted, but considering how much it must have cost to train them and retrofit the Minis that they're driving, the cost per adoption has got to be pretty high.

*Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals http://www.thedrum.com/news/2012/12/06/new-zealands-spca-draftfcb-and-mini-put-dogs-driving-seat-unconventional-adoption
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/meet-monty-a-dog-who-can-be-your-designated-driver/309186-77.html

Cyanide at Harry Griffen Park

I'm seriously concerned about the plan to poison all the gophers with cyanide, which will apparently be ongoing through February 28.

I agree that there are a lot of gophers, and maybe they're a problem.

But using cyanide to kill them in a park where children play and dogs come, not only to the dog run, but all over the park?

Is killing the gophers worth his life?

They say they won't use poison near the dog run or the children's playground.

That doesn't satisfy me. All it takes is one parent or one dog owner who didn't see the notice and lets a child or pet loose in the wrong area, and we have a tragedy.

Then there's the :"collateral damage." That would include all the hawks in the park, the heron who comes daily, the skunks, raccoons, coyotes, and possums who use the park at night when we're not there. Not to mention any neighborhood cats who may hunt in the park.

Do all the neighbors around the park know about this plan? I bet not. Has everyone who frequents the park read the notices?

I think that using cyanide here is a really bad idea. I'm going to let the city council, the Parks & Recreation Department, and anyone else I can think of know my opinion, and if you agree with me, I hope you will, too.